In my nearly 25-years of practicing psychiatry, I’m often asked how to spot the signs of a midlife crisis.
There’s no one size fits all list, but the most common signs of a midlife crisis I’ve seen are when you start to experience feelings of turbulence or discomfort.
This makes sense because life is more complicated in your forties and fifties. If you’ve focused on taking care of others and haven’t put much thought into what you really want out of life, you’re more likely to experience a crisis now. Adding to your anxiety can be regrets like wondering if you made the right choices, and self-doubt like thinking that it’s too late to change. (It’s not.)
So in middle age you’re often feeling a lot of discomfort—and this discomfort is your wake-up call! (And one of the signs of a midlife crisis). I believe the turbulence you start to feel in midlife is your heart reminding you of what you want in life. What you really want in your life right now.
Because Heart, as I’ve come to know it, has always been what we call on for the important stuff. And if you’re having a midlife crisis, you want to tap into the power of Heart. This is not the time to try and think your way out by just using your brain.
When you only think with brain you decide to stay in a relationship that is crushing you or a job you despise. That’s what you know, and brain says it’s better to choose misery over change. (You can add fear of change to the signs of a midlife crisis.)
But when you start tapping into Heart, you allow yourself to envision new possibilities for yourself and experience new courage to move forward. You may bravely look at yourself and ask why you’re staying with a partner who is distant, controlling with money and critical? Or you might ask yourself what you can do to improve your job or perhaps consider trying to a new career path.
If you’re having a midlife crisis, try thinking of it as a chance to get your life back on track.
It’s an opportunity to evaluate what’s not working, and then bring in the people, places and things that will be more useful to you. What do you want that you don’t have? Have you been living someone else’s dream? Are you bored with your typical routines? Is it time to admit that you’ve been stuck in a rut?
So the next time you feel discomfort, slow down and notice what you’re feeling and what you’re resisting. Those feelings – anger, sadness, fear, shame – are rumblings, which are a message from Heart. Instead of ignoring these signs, make the choice to stop and figure out what’s out of balance in your life.
When you think with brain and Heart, the truth isn’t scary or threatening. You don’t have to keep protecting yourself from all possible outcomes because Heart knows you can handle whatever comes up.
Heartfelt wishes,
Amy
(A version of this post first appeared on Thrive Global.)
Photo credit: BigStock
