When Emily was born, I felt fear.
She was my second child and I knew the drill. I thought I was ready when I felt my first contraction. I thought I was ready when the doctor handed her to me and the surge of love I felt shook the room.
But I wasn’t ready. I was ready for a healthy baby, and Emily wasn’t healthy. I desperately wanted to know the secret to getting rid of fear.
Those early months were loveless. They were filled with fear, sadness, exhaustion, guilt and despair. The more I tried to fix Emily by visiting countless neurologists and trying to stimulate her brain for endless hours, the more numb my heart became.
Numbness is the opposite of love—but it’s an effective escape from fear.
One night I was trying to get Emily to play but her eyes were wandering instead of following, and her hands were tightly gripped instead of open. I was exhausted and sad and couldn’t bear another minute, so I closed my eyes and whispered to my daughter it was time to take a nap.
A few hours later, I opened my eyes and nothing had changed. There was Emily with her head tilted, eyes wandering, hands gripped. But then I noticed something: There was Emily with her uneven smile, soft head and delicious baby smell. Nothing had changed in Emily, but everything had changed in me.
We started giggling. Geographically we were still in the exact same place, but emotionally our location was completely different.
Everything changed that night when I found the strength of Heart and love inside me. It’s not possible to feel love and fear at the same time because love trumps fear.
Turns out that love is the secret to getting rid of fear.
As a psychiatrist, I was taught that feelings like anger, fear, happiness and sadness come and go like waves. They peak, crest and fall, but feelings don’t last. I agree, except when it comes to love.
Love is a feeling that doesn’t go away. And love is not temporary. Love is within us all the time but it can be hidden under the chaos of everyday life. The instant I looked at my daughter from my heart instead of my head, I saw Emily for who she is: my beautiful, happy girl.
My head was exhausted from thinking, and just as hopelessness started to creep in, my heart took over. Heart perceives possibility. It lifts you up and re-awakens hope. Heart gives you a second wind and sets you free from fear. The fog had lifted and I felt love again, not fear.
Emily has always lived in Heart, and has shown me that living Heart-first is a strong way of being. My daughter reminds me that no matter how much chaos and conflict is happening, we always have the power to respond from Heart with love. And to my surprise, love has turned out to be powerfully effective.
Let me know if my secret to getting rid of fear works for you in the comment section below. And if you want to find out if you’re living in Heart, take this short quiz.
Heartfelt wishes,
Amy
Photo credit: Adobe
