It wasn’t until after I had my daughter Emily that I realized you can trust your heart.
I was a thinker, and had always trusted my brain. But Emily trusts her heart. She has to, due to her significant intellectual and physical disabilities (read about being a special needs parent here). And I’ve learned from watching her how powerful your heart can be.
As Emily embodies it, Heart reaches far beyond the classic symbolism of love, tenderness and touchy-feely emotion. Heart includes inner strength, resilience, purpose, courage and happiness.
Early on, I struggled to understand how she could ever live ‘a good life.’ I was sure that would require a capable brain. But Emily turned out to be one of the most fulfilled people I know. She’s purposeful, committed, and very, very effective.
I gradually learned to see the simple truth: Emily is using something other than sheer brainpower to succeed. This force, a deep inner resource as powerful as brain, and present in all of us, is what I’ve come to call Heart.
I now use Heart as a kind of shorthand to talk about all the traits and strategies I observe Emily using every day.
I slowly learned how to bring Heart into my brain-first life, and found that Heart absolutely helps my brain perform better. More than that, I discovered that when brain is connected to Heart, I feel calmer and more energetic. And my life got better and better when I trusted my heart and its abilities.
Living with Heart means having ready access to these qualities. (It does not mean not using your brain. Brains are awesome. But they can’t do as much on their own as they can with Heart.)
Being in Heart provides you with specific capabilities you don’t get with brain alone. It’s the difference between what you’re doing and what you want to do. It’s knowing who you really are, what you really want and what is really true.
Living Heart-first is the difference between sticking to old, destructive habits or moving beyond them into a new healthier lifestyle. Being in Heart is when my patient has the courage to leave her small children to enter rehab, because she “knows in her heart” that if she continues to drink, she will die.
In Heart, you know that you can figure out whatever comes your way.
Instead of falling prey to indecisiveness and insecurity, you’re confident about making your own decisions. (Read how to stop negative self-talk here.) After years of worrying about returning to an industry that valued youth, my patient went for an interview in the glory of menopause. She decided to trust her heart and go for it.
When you make the decision to work on your own fears, instead of seeking approval or caving in to pressure, you’re living Heart-first. It’s Heart that helps you stick to your values and goals, and lets you not give a hoot about how others react. Brain wants to maintain the status quo, but Heart wants joy and purpose.
Heart also places certain demands on you. Heart urges you on to meet its own longings. In this way, Heart directs you to many of the most important things in life – like reaching out, connecting and creating – nudging you from inside.
Heart’s longings are universal: Purpose and meaning. Connection and belonging. Compassion and respect. Love. Creativity. Freedom. Peace. Ease. Wonder. Joy.
Heart yearns for these, and impels the quest for them. And this is the path to fulfillment. Good news: what Heart wants, those living in Heart will pursue — and find.
Heart reveals who you actually are rather than who you are ‘supposed’ to be. A very successful businesswoman I know decided to learn how to row, which meant getting up at 5 am to meet her team members. This might not seem out-of-the-ordinary, except she’s a highly stressed, worried, divorced mom with three kids. And not a morning person.
But Heart gave her the extra push to do something out of her comfort zone. Now she jumps out of bed and savors those moments watching the sun rise on the bay. She also told me she feels more powerful and worries a little bit less.
You have a superpower. It’s called Heart.
But you have to tap into Heart to access that superpower. We often ignore or bury Heart because we’re living in a world that tends to value raw brain power over the quieter, tougher abilities of Heart.
I’ve seen the benefits of this superpower in action for 20-years, watching my four kids grow up. And now when I find myself in brain-first thinking, I pause, and remind myself to tap into Heart. You can too.
I know it takes time to trust your heart, but you can start adding Heart into your life a little bit each day like I did. If you do, you’ll find a pathway to a deeper, richer life.
Not sure if you’re living with Heart? Take this short quiz and see where you land on the Heart strong spectrum.
Heartfelt wishes,
Amy
Photo credit: Joshua Ness on Unsplash
