When it’s time to make a decision, do you only rely on your brain? Or do you check-in with your brain and Heart?

A woman I know was wrestling with choosing between two job offers. “I know what I want in here,” Laura said, pointing toward her temple. “And I know what I want in here,” she said pointing toward her chest.

They weren’t the same thing.

Laura was a highly capable medical resident graduating in internal medicine. She had one offer at a prestigious teaching hospital in Boston, and publishing research would be part of her job. The other was in a rural hospital in Iowa that primarily served farmers and their families.

In the end, she went with what she knew in her heart was right for her. She let go of self-criticism and free-floating fears of inadequacy. She ignored thoughts of prestige and concern for what others might think. And she focused on what felt like it would be fulfilling to her. Listening to the heart was key in making this decision.

This is what I strive for myself. Listening to the heart is always what my daughter Emily, who has intellectual and physical disabilities, does. And, it’s what I’m working with my patients on, whether they’re contemplating the end of a relationship, wanting to stop being so over-committed, or wondering why they have so much yet don’t feel satisfied or #blessed.

Their answers are always in Heart.

Not their anatomical hearts, of course. But “Heart” the way I’ve come to understand the collection of longings and abilities that don’t come from our brains. This Heart is an incredible set of superpowers we all have, yet all too frequently don’t tune into. (Take this short quiz to see how Heart strong you are.)

That’s a mistake, because Heart knows certain truths that brain simply doesn’t. One of the most important truths is this: Brain and Heart are smartest together.

There are things you can’t do, or do well, when you’re operating with brain alone. But when you start using brain and Heart together, you’ll make smarter choices because you can see the whole picture clearly.

For example, while working on an important team project, brain’s contribution is brilliant logic and concrete problem solving, no question. But, for staying irrationally persistent beyond failure, collaborating beyond self-interest, and staying passionately focused beyond exhaustion, you need to add Heart.

Here are three key truths that Heart knows:

YOU HAVE UNCONDITIONAL SELF-WORTH.

Everyone does. Your self-worth is full and intrinsic. You have it because you are you. Your greatness does not depend on circumstances or accomplishments. It just is.

Laura realized in the end that the prestige of a particular job was immaterial to how she thought of herself. If she chose the ‘big’ job in the city, she might be satisfying brain’s priorities — winning, scoring a big opportunity, and social adulation from professional peers. Despite what brain thought, such a job somehow wouldn’t make her feel worthy. To herself. In any deep and long-term way. She realized this by listening to the heart.

Heart knows you will never feel better about yourself or your life in a lasting, big-picture way by ticking off goals and achievements. While achieving where others have failed is exciting, the thrill peters out. And it doesn’t take long.

And if self-worth is measured by wins, then it’s also measured by losses. Unfortunately, life generally hands out more failures than successes. The metric brain uses for measuring self-worth leads to a lifetime of nauseating ups and downs.

Measuring yourself against someone else’s opinions, desires, or achievements gives you no useful information. Not that most of us don’t try these strategies. But that is always brain talking. Heart is smarter.

YOU HAVE A UNIQUE AND DISCOVERABLE PURPOSE.

Finding and doing your “big thing,” the things most important and specific to you, is the only path to a fulfilling life. You need to find your own personal “what really matters” from within. With Heart, you can, and will.

Laura was able to choose a job easily once she realized what really drove her. It might be different for someone else with these same two job offers. But for Laura one provided work that was clearly more meaningful to her. That was her idea of a good job. The money was a factor to consider, and so was the prestige of a renowned hospital. As was what her parents or her boyfriend or her colleague would choose.

But the big thing, the thing that really mattered from within, that inspired Laura, that gave each day at work meaning and fulfillment, sweat and joy mattered more. It didn’t mean there wouldn’t be frustrations at the job she chose. By listening to the heart she knew it was the right fit.

Heart is how we can be our best selves. Heart is how we grow fully into ourselves. Brain usually dead ends in logic-only thinking, score-keeping, judging, and supremely, fear of change. Heart is smarter.

YOU CAN HANDLE WHATEVER COMES UP.

Much of what gets in our way in life boils down to fear. And the essence of interfering fear is often the idea that I can’t do this. But you are not fragile. You are made of stuff that can withstand pretty much anything. Heart is the secret behind that being so.

Heart is what powers you through exhaustion, gives you courage, and drives you to respond to failure by trying again. Heart can’t make it easy, but it can pull you through. If you let it.

Brain, as strong as it is in learning, logic and problem solving, often operates primarily out of fear. It’s literally the source of the feeling of fear. Brain is designed to stay on alert for danger, and confront or avoid it. Brain puts on the brakes, shuts down, shuns risk, refuses to try. It will think and think and think, looping around frantically trying to solve insolvable problems until we run aground.

But Heart is where fear is re-made into courage. Heart takes our fear, and shows us our capacity to be unimaginably brave.

Heartfelt wishes,
Amy

Photo credit: Tim Marshall for Unsplash